A weird feeling has been creeping up on me these last few days. I suppose I could chalk it up to culture shock in some ways. I am a shy person. I always have been and probably won’t ever be anything but. So it’s hard for me to make friends, and even harder to keep them. I knew going into all of this it would be hard because of my disposition. I can be really awkward because of it and most people take my shy personality as being standoffish. Being here has made me hyper aware of it because I know in order to meet people and do the things I want to do I need to be conscious of my surroundings. At home I tend to be a loner and have only a few friends I’m close with. I have the tendency to prefer my own company to being around large groups of people.

I see the other people I know making friends. I read the blogs of other students and see big groups of people going out and doing things and it’s hard not to dwell on it. I know it’s still only the beginning of the semester and I have yet to meet anyone in class. But I worry that I may not be able to make friends. I really don’t want to go and drink and be a part of the social clique that revolves around talking about other people in a malicious way. It makes me feel like I am in high school again.

This isn’t a happy “I’m in Japan” post. I hesitated even writing it but this truly is for me to look back on and see how I was feeling. I don’t want to read this blog a year from now without recognizing the bad things that I encountered while here. So far things go up and down throughout each day.

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